no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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