i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
