I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
