I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
