Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
4 words: hood of his car
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize