I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
