Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
