Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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