Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
