Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
