Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
