At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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