I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
