I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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