Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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