you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
