as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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