I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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