i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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