no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you made out with another girl for some wings
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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