Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
