Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize