Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
