I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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