We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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