Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
