okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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