Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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