Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize