my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
