laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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