dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
