ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
