If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
