Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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