Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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