Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
