i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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