i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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