I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
