Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
