Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
