just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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