I want to stick my p in your. b.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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