I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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