i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
