Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
