My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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