his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
