Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
