i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He felt like a one man threesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
