wanna go halves on a baby?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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