I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
