and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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