wat bout pragnant strippers??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
