Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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