I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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