i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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