I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
