; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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