I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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