okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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