BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
