FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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