Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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