Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
